“And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They’re hard-wired for struggle when they get here. When you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, ‘Look at her. She’s perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect. Make sure she makes the tennis team by 5th grade and Yale by 7th grade. That’s not our job. Our job is to look and say, ‘You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s our job.” — Brene Brown

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

As an Elementary Education major who works with children a lot, I get glimpses of what parents think of their children, how they view their children, and just the attitude they have towards their own children. Especially after student teaching in an elementary school in an affluent community with many affluent families, I have encountered parents who try so hard to make their children “perfect.” The smartest. The most successful. The most athletic. The best dressed. The most prepared. They send their kids with the hippest, coolest, most aesthetic school supplies. They help their kids with their classroom morning bellwork before they get kicked out of the classroom.

I never used to think this was a problem, because honestly, I felt this way as a student. I wanted to out-do my classmates, be smarter than them, have the best school supplies, and just excel at everything, so I could show them how great I was at life. Where did this drive to “out-do” everyone come from? Why did I feel the need to show everyone that I was the best? Did I really care that much? I definitely think my parents played a role in this mentality. They often compared my brother and I to our classmates and the children of their friends, making comments such as “Wow. He’s so smart!” or “He knew how to do all of that two years ago. Look how smart she is! If only my kids were that smart, then that will be great!” Were they too, trying to make me perfect? Were they slowly shaping me to be their perfect child? I would say that they definitely put some energy into trying to mold me into being their ideal child. Although I’m glad my parents pushed me, seeing the way parents perceive their children, and what they do in order to mold their children catches me off guard.

This past semester, I think the worse that I’ve seen is a parent who is willing to get his daughter labeled as “Learning Disabled” just so she can get extra services, that will hopefully put her on par, or even above, the other students. REALLY? Why in the world would you want to label your child “learning disabled” when she’s not? After a lot of testing, she was found to be average and at grade level across all areas, yet the father still fought to get her put on an IEP. Why? Is she not good enough the way she is? Just because she’s average, or not as smart as your other kid, does that make her imperfect? Will that make you love her less?

The thing that really hit me when I listened to this is that in reality, no one is perfect. Not ourselves, not parents, not even children. We can try to be perfect, we can try to make our kids perfect, but in the end, its not possible. What is, though, is love. We can love each other, despite our imperfections, because we all are imperfect. And just like the quote says, “Our job is to look and say, ‘You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you’re worthy of love and belonging,’” this is what God, the ultimate Father has done. He’s loved us, and has told us that we’re worthy of His love, we’re worthy to be His children, and we’re worthy to belong to Him and His family, as His children, despite our imperfection. And then, He sacrificed His only perfect child, for the sake of all the imperfection of His other children. Crazy. Such true love. I can only hope and strive to love like that one day.

Sorry if this is incoherent. It made sense/flowed in my head. But there are definitely gaps in what I’m sharing, because I don’t know how to explain/what to say for some of the connecting pieces in my brain. Oops!

Thanks to Mackenzie for sharing this Ted Talk :)